Thursday, March 4, 2010

Time for more Film Learnin!

I was faced with yet another day of worthlessness. Though it did help that I was now technically employed, I was a bit uneasy. Rodoslav was out at the underground facility as expected, manufacturing some newfangled plague, no doubt. It is very unfortunate that I am not yet as productive as he. Just because he has advanced knowledge of medicine and biology does not mean that I cannot be just as effective at doing harm to the environment that surrounds us.

In the meantime, I thought I might learn a bit more about culture. I had learned quite a bit last time I took it upon myself to watch a few films. Why not do it again?

I made my way to the Wal-Mart. I knew for a fact that there was a good amount of merchandise there. Though it was of low quality, I did not care. After all, I would not be paying for anything. I simply used my shape shifting abilities and simply copied the body and voice of one of the employees there.

Once I got home with my ill-gotten goods, I made for myself a nice pile of straw and newspaper in front of the television set. Time for stealing was now over. Now was time for learning.

The first film I watched was titled "Terminator 2" I was not sure why at first, but it became clear to me after only the first few minutes. In the near future, mankind will still go about maintaining its pathetic existence. Unbeknowst to them, two different computerized factions from different dimensions have sent two super-powered humanoid machines to kill each other, for no reason at all.

Despite this, I very much enjoyed it. One of the machines looked like a large muscular man, but was actually a powerfully built robot skeleton underneath. His typical routine involved stealing the clothes, sunglasses, and motorcycles of others. What happens if you do not comply? Trust me! You don't want to find out!

The other machine appears to be a smaller man, dressed as an average law enforcement officer. However, he is actually much more powerful. He has the ability to alter his body on what appears to be the molecular level. Hell, even I cant do that! I think his best characteristic was how he always felt the need to transform his arms into sharp blades, and cause puncture wounds in others.

The Robots continue to fight each other. Eventually, one of them wins.

The second film was called "Planes Trains and Automobiles." It all seemed very odd to me. Most of the movie involved the struggle of an average sized well-to-do man who struggled to escape from an obese and unsuccessful fellow. You would think that little guy would find some way to evade that fat slob. It doesn't happen though, as he is accosted in many different places, such as planes, trains, and of course, even automobiles. Are there no laws of restraint in this country? I suppose not.

The third movie was called "The Fast and The Furious." This has got to be my favorite movie so far. The plot involved nothing more than a collection of derelicts who drove overpowered cars on public highways for no reason other than to appear cool. I think it is fantastic that they did not limit their insanity to a closed race track. They treated every second of every day as if it was their last. Clearly, the Shogun of the Dark would approve.

The fourth film was titled, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." I did not know what to make of this one. Of course, I am in no way trying to condemn this movie. It was simply about two guys who were having as much fun as two human being could be expected to have.

You know, I was never exposed to this side of life before. Though I am not one to complain, I have been told on more than one occasion that my life is unnecessarily difficult. I thought It was a relief to see a happy-go-lucky comedy such as this.

When the movie began, the two men had just fallen under the sway of the powerful drugs that they had consumed a few moments earlier. I wish I was there. They were driving a neat looking automobile through the desert carelessly. It was not completely unlike "The Fast and the Furious."

Many different substances of abuse were mentioned. They spoke of "Uppers, downers screamers and laughers." Of course, I have no idea what that means. However, it seems like they would be even more enjoyable than Natty Lite. I will probably ask Rodoslav about obtaining some for myself in the future. He had better comply.

The last film I watched was a movie called "Braveheart." I would have to say it was very informative. It is a tale of two different parts of a region who cannot seem to agree upon one thing or another. In my best estimation, The main conflict seemed to be about which town was to be named the capital of the nation: The poorly constructed town of straw or the poorly constructed town of wood and stone.

Long ago, armies fought each other in strange ways. Two armies gathered in a field, and stared upon one another for quite some time. You see, the melee combat was purely secondary, and not necessarily expected. The real fight was one by the two men who gathered in the middle of the field between the two armies. Whoever was able to make the most complicated sign language was declared the victor.

1 comment:

  1. "They were driving a neat looking automobile through the desert carelessly. It was not completely unlike "The Fast and the Furious.""